Lofty goals 2dp3dt

A big thanks to Spanglish for her comment on my last post. Tampons! Yes! Why didn't I think of that??!!

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I am going to try to put into words how I am feeling right now...

I feel like this is "just another cycle". That this is something that normal people go through all the time. Another shot, no big deal. Missing work, no big deal. It's just become part of my life and I'm already planning for the next cycle in July.

Yet at the same time I feel extremes. I feel hot and cold. Angry and sad. Anxious and calm.

I wonder, could this be the cycle? Or will it end up like so many others? With me in tears on the other side.

I try not to think about it. About the fact that I have two embryos with potential inside me right now. I try to distract myself. With books. With food. With the computer. But it's hard being stuck relatively immobile for a few days.

I'm trying to live day by day. Tomorrow I go back to school and we will be starting the last 9 weeks of the year. This means grades are due from last time and I have all new students. To me it only means one thing - distraction.

I want to wish my life away so it can be NEXT Sunday. The day I've told myself I will test. But at the same time I don't want next Sunday to ever come. I don't want to face reality if this turns out like all the others.

I can't even think beyond 2 pink lines. At this point that seems like such a lofty goal. Even though it would really just be the beginning of more waiting and more emotions. I want to take that ride...

My first "lofty goal" is to avoid POAS until next Sunday. This is an enormous deal for me as every other cycle I have caved MUCH earlier -- and we all know how that turned out. I feel if I can have the patience to wait until next Sunday maybe the "powers that be" will bless me with a gift for being so patient. Unfortunately, patience isn't one of my stronger vitrues.

Luckily, I only have internet cheapies in the house -- and I don't think they work anyway. I will buy a pack of two HPT's next Saturday and this time next week we will have our answer. It's only a week but at the same time it's an ENTIRE week. Help me find distraction.

Goal #1: Hold out until next Sunday (9dp3dt) to POAS.
Goal #2: See two pink lines.