Is the Grass Greener?

When I made the decision to quit my brick and mortar teaching job, a large part of me felt like being a work-at-home-mom (WAHM) would be better. And easier. And more fulfilling. And just plain peachy.

And while there are numerous aspects of working from home that I enjoy and appreciate, the fact of the matter is, it's hard. And it isn't as easy-peasy and rosy as I had pictured it in my mind.

Or maybe the grass just always seems greener on the other side...

I love that I'm able to spend more time with Bo and that my days are more flexible. Many days I'm grateful that I don't have to dress up and I can make myself whatever I want for lunch. There are perks. But many days I wonder if the perks are really worth it.

In order to accommodate my work schedule, I have to be out of bed no later than 5:30 to accomplish a few hours of work before Bo is awake for the day. I'm a morning person, so this isn't too horrible, but it definitely makes my days feel a lot longer.

I find time wherever I can to work. Bo is not conducive to work. He'll let me read blogs and tweet from my Blackberry but when it comes to actually letting me sit on the computer and grade papers -- "No way, Jose!" You may be tempted to suggest Sesame Street or some other educational program to give me a few extra minutes to work. The only show that Bo will sit through in it's entirety is Signing Time. And even then, he must be on my lap. That means that on days when my mom is not able to watch him, I work when he sleeps -- before he gets up, when he takes his nap, and after he goes to bed. I find myself jealous and envious of my SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) friends who are able to nap when their children do or even clean the house and jealous of my WOHM friends (work-outside-the-home) who are able to eat lunch and have 8 kid-uninterrupted hours to work. I await nap time with the same rigor as every other parent -- but I await it so I can work, not so I can actually accomplish anything around the house or Heaven-help-me have a little much needed "me time."

Many days, my mom will watch Bo for 3-4 hours so I can work (yes, we pay her) and this helps a lot. I've found that if I can really focus for those few hours I can accomplish a great deal and it makes the rest of the day much better.

That said, there are many aspects of brick and mortar teaching that I miss. I actually miss waking up in the morning and having a reason to take a shower and dress nicely. Sure, I love being comfy in my sweats every day, but sometimes I just miss having the need to look presentable. Just last week I decided to skip the shower because I had so much work to do. I knew Bo wouldn't mind my stench. Definitely not an option when you work outside the home.

I also miss adult conversation. Sure, I talk to my mom and Mike daily and email and see many of my friends often, but it isn't the same as the constant chatter that is ongoing in a work environment.

And there are numerous aspects of the work itself that I miss. I miss establishing my own curriculum (online curriculum where I teach is predetermined). I miss the flexibility to grade when I want without deadlines. I miss being able to throw out an assignment if students do poorly. I miss the face-to-face interaction with students. I love the portability and the lack of discipline issues in the online classroom but I constantly wonder, is it worth the trade?

Weekends are also a big issue for me. I had my curriculum developed so that when I left school on Friday, I typically left with a clean desk and empty handed. No grading or thinking about school until the next week. It was great for my sanity. Online teaching is 7 days a week and I have to check-in at least every 24 hours. I haven't had a day off since Christmas and the need for a few days offline and to unplug are very needed (but definitely won't be happening until at least the end of August -- and probably not until when the babies are born -- since that will be such a relaxing time! ha!)

Also, this time of year, I miss the end of school year rush. I miss the excitement of Prom and even the Senioritis that is rampant during the month of May (heck, some years it's January 1st). I miss wearing orange on Friday and the promise of a three month summer vacation. I miss chatting with my yearbook girls about boys and arguing with them about layouts.

While I know I made the right decision and I'm glad that I've been able to witness Bo changing and growing first hand, I miss my old job -- and even the bureaucracy that came with it.

Maybe it's just easy to feel like this right now because my colleagues are on summer break, while I'm digging myself out of a pile of finals....