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During my life, I've had many homes. I've lived in several homes in Olney. I've lived in Texas. I've lived in Charleston. I've traveled around Illinois (and other places) and called the houses of friends and hotels home. No matter where I am, the place where I lay my head at night typically is called home.
Today, we went looking for our new home. It feels like such a monumental decision. Numerous factors to consider to select a place where we will spend hours and hours of our lives. The place where we will raise our children. It's difficult to look at a house for a few minutes and know if it is the place you should invest not only money, but also your heart. The choices and decisions involved in buying a house are completely overwhelming.
When we bought our current home, Mike and I both knew it was "the one" as soon as we saw it. Over the years, we've changed numerous aspects of the house, brought our Bobo home to it, and truly made it a home. We hope we'll have that same "the one" feeling about one of the houses we see tomorrow as the houses we looked at today do not really seem to fit the bill.
That said, I think home has a lot more to do with the people you are with than with the actual physical location of the home. Any building or place can technically be a home, but without those you love - what's the point?
One of the many "talking points" of the last week has been the fact that my mom's house in Olney is paid for and this is one of the many reasons she does not want to move. While we are ready and willing to build her her own in-law suite attached to whatever home we buy or in our backyard, it seems to always come back to the fact that she already has a house in Olney. But without us coming in and out of her house daily, without Bo's feet pitter-pattering through it, and fingerprints on the glass, what's the point?
Mom also says that Olney is her "comfort zone". Olney is her home. Without her family there, is it truly? I would argue that it isn't...
For me, my home is where my family is -- it's where my Bobo is -- it's where my heart is.
This post was written for a TwitterMoms contest and it seemed like a fitting topic given the current flux of our "home" situation. All you have to do is answer the question "What does home mean to you?" to enter.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
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5 comments:
I don't necessarily think family makes it home. For me, my immediate family (husband and children) make it home. I've lived away from my family for over 5 years and I still feel like this is our home. Our memories are here and it will be hard to leave all of it behind some day.
Carrie,
I think my definition of family is probably different from most. I was raised by my mom and Grandpa, so I do consider my mom to be part of my immediate family. Being raised in more of a joint family/extended family environment probably impacts these feelings a great deal.
Also, I am truly my mom's only family. If she actually goes through with all of this, she will have no one. I have no siblings and everyone else is gone. These factors make all of this that much more complicated.
Thanks for your thoughts and opinions on several of my posts. I do appreciate it and I am trying to look at all of this from every angle.
I hope your little ones are starting to feel better. :)
Jamie
How does your husband really feel about all this? I can't believe he would want his mother-in-law living with you.. to me that is a little much. I wouldn't want mine living with us. You haven't been married that long. Don't you think that eventually this will cause problem between you and your husband?
Or is all this living together stuff your idea? And you are imposing your wishes on him?
You need to take care of yourself and not worry so much about your mom.Your husband and children should be your number #1 priority.
Is there guilt coming out as your mom is concerned? It shouldn't. She made her bed let her sleep in it... Jim
When I 1st met my husband my DD and I moved with him to another city. It didn't work out and we went back to our home town and he came with us.
This last move we did 4 years ago proved that my home is where my husband and children are.
I too have a close relationship with my Mom so leaving was hard. At the time the plan was she was going to move here when she retires (this fall) now that the time is here she is getting cold feet, which I understand. What is different in my situation is I do have siblings in the same city my Mom is in so she's not alone.
It's tough and I so hope that things work out for you and your Mom.
P.S. I have to say that my husband would be quite accepting to my Mom living with us if the situation arose. Sometimes it does work and some in-laws are easy to work with.
I think that this is so hard on you because of what your mom has been through lately. I think that you feel a need to be close to her in case something else happens to her. That is very understandable. You spend more time with you mom than most people do, because she lives so close. It would be hard to go from seeing her everyday to seeing her on an occasional weekend. It is also apparent that in a few months you are going to need your mom close by to help with the babies and Bo. I think that having her house paid off should give her more incentive to sell it. Good luck with all of the changes about to happen in your life.
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