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I'm worried.
I know, that's a shocking revelation.
I'm worried about Bo. I'm worried about how he is going to react to the twins. I'm worried about how he is interacting with Nanny Katie. I'm worried about the transitions he is going through. I'm worried about this clingy stage. I'm worried about the way he acts differently when his dad (or Grandma and Grandpa) are around than he acts when my mom and I are around (he's actually better behaved for my mom and me -- maybe because we are around more??). I'm worried about his socialization.
I know it's normal to worry about your kids. But I just want so much for him. I want him to be smart and social. I want him to be well-behaved. I want him to be well-adjusted. I want him to have enough time with everyone so that he doesn't feel like we overlook him or that he is the third wheel to the twins. I don't want him to ever question that I love him with all my being and will do whatever I can to make sure that he is happy and healthy.
Maybe this is all normal worry for someone who will soon bring two new babies home. Maybe I'm just excessively anal retentive.
I wonder how I'll be able to deal with two infants and Bo at the same time. I wonder how I can make him understand that sometimes their needs will need to come before his without making him question if I love them more. I wonder what I can do to keep Bo entertained when the girls are eating. I wonder if he is going to give the same "no" and screams every morning when Katie arrives forever. I wonder if he will say "no" and scream about the girls. I wonder how to better manage him so that he doesn't act this way.
I wonder where the line is between being spoiled and being loved.
16 comments:
Wish I had some advice for you, but I assume that all of this is completely normal!
Been thinking about you today...glad those girls are still hanging on!
I wish I had some brilliant advice but I am sadly lacking in that department today. {{{Hugs}}} and and be assured that the NO phase does end.
*hug* Nothing is ever certain, that's for sure. But he won't be the first kid to have siblings.
I have a girlfriend who told me that the moment she told her 2 year old "Sometimes Mommy needs to help your little sister first. She's small and can't do things for herself." And the issues went away. Over time, but they did get used to each other.
Bo is going through a lot of transition right now. New house, new nanny, new sisters on the way. He'll adjust. It may take some time, but soon enough he won't remember a time when he didn't have his sisters in his life.
Hugs hon. You can DO this.
xxx
I'm not a Mom but... I did do some nanny jobs in High School and College.
One thing that works really well is a great distration like eating something that he absoutely adores and only give it to him when you leave no other time. Or a toy that is a big time fave...same deal no playing with this toy when you are around. Let the nanny play with him a bit when you are around... Also, tell in the morning before she comes that she's comming over to play with you today and that you are going to...
Once he realizes that the nanny is more "fun" than you it will get a bit better...
I'm sure you'll find what works :)
Ahh Jamie it is certain you are an only child! But don't worry Bo will be fine. You are his Mom and "helping" you with the twins will be the perfect thing for you two to do together! As one of 6 I do not feel my Mom loves me any less. Of course she always had to do more for the others when they were younger than me, but I was the oldest and "got to do the cool stuff first and also be the top helper"!
It is so neat that you worry, because then you will be better than ever as Bo's Mom!
Bo and the girls are very lucky to have you for their Mom.
And remember you were always very good about "taking care" of your yearbook girls! And there were many more than just one!!
"I wonder where the line is between being spoiled and being loved." I wish I knew that answer to that too.
I think the acting differently when different people are around is completely normal. I see it in both LG and SB.
i think most kids are loved so much they become spoiled. i know my daughter is really spoiled, she gets most everything she wants (when she listens with both ears!)
This too shall pass.
I have just one set of twins, no singletons, so I have never dealt with introducing newborns to an older child. However, I know that the sibling relationship between my children is the greatest gift I have ever received. You're obviously a wonderful mother, and the worrying (plus the finding answers!) is what makes you one.
You have enough love. You have enough attention. You will know where to cut corners so the each of the twins and Bo has enough and is raised right.
Before you know it, Bo will flourish as a big brother, and you'll wonder how you ever kept busy with just one child to care for. :)
This is so totally normal:
http://interruptedwanderlust.blogspot.com/2008/09/hormonally-charged.html
And when you finally see Bo with the girls, and you see how much he will grow to love them, you will realize that you worried like this for nothing. Believe me, I went through EXACTLY the same thing, and now? Isabella is a rockstar to Luci and Nicholas, and she absolutely adores them.
I am a former infertile with a 1.5 year old son.... just found out I am 7 weeks pregnant with TWINS. I am so glad to have found your blog! My mind is already racing, and my biggest concern is my son. He is such a mamma's boy... I adore him to pieces and he always wants to snuggle with me. What can I do when I am nursing two and he wants/needs me??
I look forward to hearing how it goes for you!
Hang in there it will all fall into place after those new babies arrive! Things have a way of working out. Take care and good luck!
Chicka was upset the first time I nursed Jboy and she couldn't get on my lap. It's sure to happen with Bo too but it will get better.
You can't reason with him at this age. Nor can he really "help" you do stuff. I would suggest a special nursing basket that has a couple book and toys in it for him so that he can sit next to you and interact still.
I would wonder if you WEREN'T worried about all this stuff. It's scary!
That you are thinking about all these things makes you a better mom than so many people out there. I wish I had magic words for you. I don't, but I'm thinking about you a lot.
You've gotten some great advice here, just sending you good vibes that it is all going to be okay.
I had to pump with the twins, but it turned out to be a great thing when my 15 month old was able to hold a bottle for one of the babies. I really think it helped her to establish a bond. My 3 are 15 months apart and are very close. sure they have their tiffs but for the most part they really stick together.
As far as the worrying ... I had a mother of triplets tell me once that she is convinced that only type A personalities have multiples ... she said it was God's way of showing us how to slow down and learn that not everything can be perfect ... it still makes me laugh when I think about how acurate that statement was for me.
You'll do great !! and all of labor intensive stuff will be over sooner than you think ... make sure to enjoy it ... when they turn one you'll look back and wonder where the year went.
Merri Ann
A used to sit right next to me when I fed one of the babies. Sometimes she would help hold their bottle. Let him help as much as you can and try to just explain situations instead of telling him "no." A seemed to react better when I told her to be nice vs what behavior she was doing.
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