The Sickness Continues...

Bo is doing better. His fever was down yesterday but the diarrhea continued (it explodes nicely on my living room carpet...). I've suddenly become the Mommy that is thrilled if he will eat a few crackers or two bites of applesauce. This is totally abnormal for my little guy. He does seem to be feeling better and played a little more yesterday, but his favorite place right now is on my lap - preferably reading or watching Sesame Street or Signing Time.

Today, Mike is staying home from work again. It appears he has caught the "Weitl flu" as well. He came home from work yesterday with a headache and a fever. He hasn't thrown up or anything yet -- so keep your fingers crossed for a quick recovery and a much better feeling Mikey.

I am feeling better. I have a cold now but a cold is much better than throwing up and it's accompaniments. I've lost a bit of weight over the last few days, but from the way my belly is pooching out it appears that I'm becoming bigger anyway. ;)

Add a sick family to my lack of childcare over the last few weeks and work is becoming next to impossible. I'm trying to teach four classes during naptime and it just isn't enough. I'm trying to block the fact that I'm scheduled to start two more classes on Sunday...

Sorry for another dull post on sickness but I've decided that when you're sick or your family is sick - time seems to warp in all sorts of crazy ways and it's difficult to focus on much else. I can't believe it's Thursday... I hope Bobo wakes up feeling great today and wants to eat a big breakfast.

Wordless Wednesday: First Tennis Shoes

Bo recently recieved his first pair of tennis shoes. These are size 7's that I found for a good deal on eBay. Mommy and Daddy both have a matching pair. :)

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

Good Home Cookbook Review and Giveaway!

Yes, I know. I'm officially a Tuesdays with Dorie slacker. I had good intentions of making the Chocolate Tart this week -- but unfortunately life keeps jumping in and thwarting my baking efforts. Instead of sharing pictures of a tart, I'll offer a free cookbook as a giveaway. That seems fair, doesn't it? :)

The Good Home Cookbook is truly the Bible of cookbooks. It is perfect for a newbie cook with step-by-step instructions and basic recipes that any new cook could use a few pointers with - omelets, sandwiches, salads, cookies, etc. This cookbook is also suitable for the experienced chef with new twists on fancier dishes like paella, cheesecake, and Tiramisu.

This is a huge cookbook and I can guarantee that you'll find several recipes worth repeating!!

The Good Home Cookbook has graciously agreed to giveaway one copy of the The Good Home Cookbook to a lucky reader! All you need to do is leave a comment telling me your favorite dessert.

For additional entries:
1) Subscribe or Follow Sticky Feet and then leave a comment stating that you are a subscriber. (Yes, if you already subscribe that qualifies you for 2 entries -- simply leave two comments, one of which states that you are a subscriber.)
2) Follow me on Twitter and leave a comment stating you did so along with your twitter name. (Yes, if you already follow me, just leave another comment stating you do so!)

3) Tweet about this giveaway and then leave a comment stating you did so. (RT: @Stickyfeet2 Want to win a cookbook? Check it out at www.stickyfeet2.net)
4) Add my button to your sidebar, then leave a comment stating you did so. Click here for the code and instructions.
5)Email 5 of your friends and tell them to enter the giveaway. Be sure to send a carbon copy of the email to me at stickyfeet2 at gmail dot com. Then comment stating you did so.
6) Write a post on your own blog about this giveaway and comment back with the permalink to this post.

Winner will be selected via Random.org on May 10!
Good Luck!

Sick

Vomit.
Puke.
Throw Up.

After a beautiful day on Saturday, both Bo and I were sick all day yesterday. Bo threw up for the first time ever right after lunch -- all over me. I had already thrown up that morning and was trying to keep a bagel down, unfortunately, while I was trying to clean up Bo, I couldn't handle it, and I was throwing up as well. What a mess. Thank goodness Mike was home yesterday.

Bo was sitting on Mike's lap and they were reading a book and all of a sudden he started to cry. He hopped off Mike's lap and ran to me and I picked him up to hold him. Then he threw up all over me. Mike and I are both amazed that he ran to me, as he is such a Daddy's boy. But I guess when you're sick, you just want your Mom. ??? Mike was amazing with him yesterday and took good care of both of us and our messes.

Bo ended up throwing up again after dinner and received two baths yesterday. We put him down for bed but he woke up after about an hour with his 21st dirty diaper of the day. Poor little guy...

I rocked him for awhile and we managed to give him some Tylenol and he has slept through the night. Mike is staying home with us today and we're praying for no more puke and a happier little boy.

I'd throw up a million times if it meant Bo didn't have to be sick. And that's saying something -- cause I hate to throw up...

8 Things...

8 Things I am Looking Forward To:
1. Moving
2. Eating at El Rancherito
3. Bo's 1 1/2 year birthday
4. Level II ultrasound on May 8
5. 4th of July
6. Swimming with Bo this summer (minus the swimsuit...)
7. Nice weather
8. Bedtime

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
1. Ate strawberry shortcake for breakfast
2. Changed Bo's diaper
3. Held Bo
4. Graded papers
5. Went for a walk
6. Baked a cake
7. Cleaned out my inbox
8. Took a shower

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:
1. Go on vacation
2. Move to a bigger house
3. Start a running program
4. Lose weight instead of gain it (I know it's for a good purpose...)
5. Go on a shopping spree
6. Have a spa day
7. Live by water
8. Own a farm with lots of cats and dogs

8 Shows I Watch:
1. LOST
2. The Office
3. The Daily Show
4. The Colbert Report
5. Signing Time
6. Sesame Street
7. Fringe
8. Jon and Kate Plus 8

Ask Jamie: Infertility and Relationships

Anonymous asks:
"How has infertility affected your personal relationships? (marriage, family, friends, professional) Also how did those relationships change once you became a mother?"

Infertility was difficult for all of my relationships. For a long-time, I turned all of the infertility-related feelings inside and could not talk to others (except in the blogosphere) about many of the emotions and feelings I was having as a result of my infertility. My natural instinct is to be introverted and infertility heightened my anti-social nature. I didn't want to chit-chat in the office at school, I didn't want to attempt to make new friends, and I didn't want to talk to many of the friends I did have as they all seemed to end up pregnant the second I did so much as think about them.

Marriage - Mike and I both dealt with infertility very differently. For me, I felt like it was my problem and I was the one who was actively seeking and pursuing treatments, while Mike's role was -- for lack of a better phrase -- less invasive. ;) Mike is, by far, the most supportive husband I could ever hope to have, and we still struggled at times during our infertility journey. There were times where I thought he should just leave me for someone who wasn't "broken". There were times when I didn't understand why I was so upset and he was so calm. There were times when he brought home flowers for no reason what-so-ever and reminded me that we would be okay and that we would eventually have children -- some way, some how. Overall, I would say that infertility made our marriage stronger. Mike and I really don't argue or fight and this has really been our only true "issue" during our marriage (we're lucky, I know).

Family - I guess the tricky issue here is some of my family didn't want to hear anything about it and others wanted every single detail. Both sides of the fence drove me crazy and there was no way to meet in the middle.

I could detail how each family member impacted me during my infertility journey (it's still on-going) - what they did right and what they did wrong -- but honestly, I think it would just bring old ghosts out to haunt and it isn't worth that. Suffice it to say, I heard the "adopt and you'll get pregnant" (no, I won't, I don't have the parts). I heard that my IVF failures were my fault and news was spread about my pregnancy with Bo before I was ready. Being the "infertile in the room" is a bit like being the "elephant in the room" sometimes...

For the most part, those who knew about the journey were supportive in their own way and that was appreciated.

Friends - Infertility impacted my relationship with all of my friends. With some friends, it was simply the fact that they couldn't understand why I was going through IVF multiple times. They couldn't see what was motivating me, why I would put myself through this, or why I wouldn't or couldn't "just adopt". (As if there is such as thing...) Other friends already had children and couldn't understand why it was so difficult for me to be a part of their lives during that time period.

Tertia's classic post "How to be Good Friends with an Infertile" says it better than I ever could....

Professional - I was very upfront with my boss regarding my IVF cycles. Honestly, there was no other way. I had to take almost all of my sick leave during my IVF cycles and the hormonal basket case I became during each cycle made it pretty apparent that something was going on. I feel very lucky that my principal was very supportive and didn't blink an eye when I'd end up crying at his desk about a situation that was totally ridiculous. I am proud to say that the last time I shed tears in front of the man was just a few days before I found out I was pregnant with Bo (the height of my hormonal messiness!). I did encounter a few issues with a colleague (also during this heightened hormonal time) that I probably could have dealt with more effectively but their were some other issues at play in that situation as well.

Since I've become a mother, I've been lucky that a lot of my relationships have mended and healed themselves. For some relationships, it took long talks, apologies (from both parties), and time. For others - it was simply forgotten and we moved forward. There are also relationships where I have moved forward and they are still stuck in the past. I hope eventually they will move forward and forgive me as well. I think my journey proved that true friends and family stick around and stick by you, even when they feel they've been wronged -- and even when logic says they probably shouldn't...

Several different factors come into play that have helped heal my relationships. I think the first is my pregnancy with Bo and Bo's birth. It was during this time period where I finally felt like everything was going to be okay and my attitude changed and I was able to turn over a new leaf.

Since my pregnancy, I've become my county's resident guru on IVF/infertility because I am now willing to be an extrovert and share my story with others. I've talked to numerous people who I know in "real life" about infertility and IVF. I've been contacted by people locally who want to talk about infertility, who I am surprised even know I exist. I feel like part of the reason I am an infertile is to share my story (the good and the bad) with others who are in the infertility trenches.

That said, there are still some things that make my infertile claws come out. "Once an infertile, always an infertile." Most people in my immediate circle avoid letting me stand on my infertility soapbox too often... I guess that's what the blog is for. ;)

How has infertility impacted your relationships?

National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) is April 25-May 2. I would like to encourage you to help break the isolation that so many infertiles feel by sharing your story with others. One in six American couples face infertility -- help them feel like they are not alone.

Friday's Feature at Sticky Feet Part Deux is Ask Jamie. Feel free to email me or leave a comment with any question you would like for me to answer. Anything is fair game!

The Perfect Gift for Mother's Day! Brownies!! (Review and Giveaway!)

On Friday, I received a wonderful early Mother's Day gift in the mail. A Mother's Day Cocoa Duo from Fairytale Brownies. I was nice and shared my brownies with Mike. We sampled two brownies each night, splitting each brownie in half to enable both of us to taste all of the flavors.

Mike determined that his favorite flavor of the six we tried (walnut, peanut butter, chocolate chip, toffee crunch, caramel, and original) was chocolate chip and I have to agree. The peanut butter and caramel were close seconds but all of the brownies were very yummy! Mike and I are brownie connoisseurs and these were fudgey and delicious! We savored every bite and we were quite disappointed last night they they were gone. :(

I haven't thought of anything I really "need" for Mother's Day (I also haven't picked out anything for our Mom's yet either....) However, I do have a solution, both for Mike and Bo and for our mom's. Brownies!! I really want to try the mint chocolate brownies (and Mike, if you buy them for me, I'll share again!).

And yes, infertiles who haven't won the battle yet deserve brownies too! If you know of a friend who isn't a Mom yet, wouldn't this be a great gift to send to her to cheer her up on Mother's Day?

Do you want to purchase some Fairytale Brownies for your Mom for Mother's Day? You can receive free shipping by using the code: MOMBLOG when you place your order!

Fairytale Brownies has graciously agreed to giveaway one Mother's Day Cocoa Duo to a lucky reader! All you need to do is leave a comment telling me about your favorite brownies!

For additional entries:
1) Subscribe or Follow Sticky Feet and then leave a comment stating that you are a subscriber. (Yes, if you already subscribe that qualifies you for 2 entries -- simply leave two comments, one of which states that you are a subscriber.)
2) Follow me on Twitter and leave a comment stating you did so along with your twitter name. (Yes, if you already follow me, just leave another comment stating you do so!)

3) Tweet about this giveaway. (RT @Stickyfeet2 Want to win some amazing brownies? http://www.stickyfeet2.net/2009/04/perfect-gift-for-mothers-day-brownies.html)
4) Add my button to your sidebar, then leave a comment stating you did so. Click here for the code and instructions.
5)Email 5 of your friends and tell them to enter the giveaway. Be sure to send a carbon copy of the email to me at stickyfeet2 at gmail dot com. Then comment stating you did so.
6) Write a post on your own blog about this giveaway and comment back with the permalink to this post.
Winner will be selected via Random.org on April 30! (Which should allow plenty of time for the brownies to be delivered to you or your mom for Mother's Day!)
Good Luck!

Wordless Wednesday: Cutest Little Boy There Ever Was

On Saturday afternoon, I came home and took a break from the hospital to play outside in the beautiful weather with Mike and Bo. Bo absolutely loved it outside and we are anxiously waiting for it to warm up again so we can spend more time outdoors!

Maybe I'm a little partial, but I truly think my son is "the cutest little boy there ever was." :) If you think he's cute, would you mind stopping by and voting for him over on the Parents.com website? :) All you have to do is click on each picture of Bo and click all 5 stars.

For more Wordless Wednesday head over to 5 Minutes for Mom!

10-10-10 Book Review and Giveaway!

Recently, I was sent Suzy Welch's book, 10-10-10: A Life-Transforming Idea, and it truly helped to remind me that my priority doesn't always have to be the future...

The purpose of the book is to help women make decisions in their lives. And as the girl who doesn't even like to choose where we are going for dinner (unless I'm craving El Rancherito) I can totally understand how a process like Welch's is beneficial to many.

Welch's idea is to look at each decision in your life and think of it in terms of how it will impact your life in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years. And she reminds us that we can't always think about the 10 years as the be all, end all. There is no guarantee that we will be here tomorrow, more or less in 10 years. There is a delicate balance between doing what is best in the moment and doing what is best in the future, and Welch's book is a good tool to help in working through the short-term and long-term consequences for each choice.

I'll be the first to admit, I tend to take the 10 year view when making most decisions, but Welch's book woke me up to the fact that maybe this isn't always the best solution. Sometimes, I need to make the choice that is the best choice right now and may not be the best choice in 10 years, as difficult as that is for me to admit.

One decision that I am currently struggling with is how to continue my career after the twins are born. I have decided to take the fall semester off and then re-evaluate based on where we are and how things are going around Christmas. There are many factors in this decision -- money, pride in my career, keeping my feet wet in my career, future opportunities, breastfeeding, daily juggles in keeping up with three under two plus a home, etc. It isn't a cut and dry decision and Welch offers opportunities to help those of us struggling with big decisions like this one to 10-10-10 and end up happy with the results -- not only in 10 minutes, but also in 10 months, and in 10 years. I'll definitely be 10-10-10ing when the calendar turns to December... but that doesn't mean all of the options aren't already swirling around!

I am giving away one copy of Susy Welch's 10-10-10: A Life Transforming Idea to one lucky reader! All you need to do is leave a comment telling me why you would like to win. Be sure to include your email address or a way that I can contact you!

For additional entries:
1) Subscribe or Follow Sticky Feet and then leave a comment stating that you are a subscriber. (Yes, if you already subscribe that qualifies you for 2 entries -- simply leave two comments, one of which states that you are a subscriber.)
2) Follow me on Twitter and leave a comment stating you did so along with your twitter name. (Yes, if you already follow me, just leave another comment stating you do so!)

3) Tweet about this giveaway and then leave a comment stating you did so.
4) Add my button to your sidebar, then leave a comment stating you did so. Click here for the code and instructions.
5)Email 5 of your friends and tell them to enter the giveaway. Be sure to send a carbon copy of the email to me at stickyfeet2 at gmail dot com. Then comment stating you did so.
6) Write a post on your own blog about this giveaway and comment back with the permalink to this post.
Winner will be selected via Random.org on April 30!
Good Luck!


Congratulations to Cassandra who won the Maggie Maternity giveaway!

We Only Have One Body...

My mom was able to come home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. She is doing very well is approximately 90% recovered from the stroke on Thursday. She is not allowed to drive, watch Bo on her own, or swim (??) until she returns to the doctor in two weeks, but she can stay by herself and did last night (still waiting for her morning phone call - I'm an earlier riser than she is). Overall, I think that seems pretty amazing considering she couldn't control her right side a few days ago.

Yesterday morning, I ransacked Mom's house for cigarettes. I found over 10 cartons. I hope there are no more hiding... They are currently in my garage and free to the first person who wants to kill themselves with them.

After I took Mom home, I went to CVS (three times) to obtain her medication and we went grocery shopping to find foods she can eat on her low-fat diet. The goal is to lower her cholesterol and sodium levels. I haven't looked at labels that closely in a long time -- some of the food we eat is pretty scary...

Mom will be on aspirin and Lipitor. Other treatment is to stop smoking, eat better, and exercise more. The whole family will be participating in these endeavors. This is not something any of us want to see happen again. Mom is way too young to have health problems and this was also a reminder that Mike and I need to take better care of ourselves as well. Life is short and we are only given one body - we need to treat it well.

Mike has been his typical wonderful self, coming home from work as soon as I called him on Thursday, taking Friday off, taking care of Bo, cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, etc. I'm very sad to see him go back to work today. :(

Blog posts at Chez Sticky Feet should return to our regularly scheduled programming. I will be working crazy hours, but I feel confident I can make it happen. I managed to keep up with work the last four days, so I am sure it can be done. :) I have several reviews and giveaways to write about this week, along with our typical picture posts. :)

Grateful

Yesterday, my mom was doing significantly better and continued to improve throughout the day. In the morning, she had difficulty eating her breakfast with her right hand, but by supper time, she asked for a piece of paper to try to write her name and was able to do so successfully. In the ER on Thursday, I had to sign everything because she didn't have the control to sign, so this is definitely a phenomenal improvement.

The overall assessment seems good. It is not one of the arteries in her neck, so that is definitely a positive. It means we will not have to transfer to another hospital, which makes us all grateful. She is hungry and eating well, moving around much better, and even walked to the bathroom without the walker last night. She is doing so well the doctor said she may be able to to go home on Sunday, which is a big positive. She'll still need physical therapy for awhile but that can be done on an outpatient basis. The outcome and potential for complete recovery seems good, as long as she does what she needs to do and does not have another stroke in the meantime.

We are obviously grateful, pleased, and relieved by her progress. We are very lucky it was not much worse...

Mandy's mom allowed me to borrow their mobile internet so I was able to work while I was at the hospital yesterday which was wonderful! Mike stayed home with Bo and enjoyed being a SAHD for the day (I have the best hubby in world, btw). We've been blessed with support in numerous areas and so many friends reaching out to help us. I appreciate all of the comments, emails, facebook messages, hospital visits, flowers, offers to help with Bo, offers for meals, etc. I am overwhelmed, amazed, and grateful for all of you.

It was a good day for everyone, let's hope for another one today.

A Wakeup Call

My day started off as it normally does. I woke up, went to the bathroom, and logged on to my computer to check my classes, my email, and a few blogs. Bo woke up a bit early and we ate breakfast and played. Around 8:30, I took Bo to Mom's and everything seemed fine. She picked Bo up and took him into the living room to read a book. He was thrilled to be there and waved bye for me to leave. He is use to our daily routine.

I returned home and started working. Around 10, my phone rang but I didn't recognize the number and I've taken to not answering the phone during my "work hours" to avoid distractions. Luckily, my cousin's wife, Nancy, left a message and said to call her immediately. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't for the life of me guess what was about to come next.

Mom tried to get up to change Bo's diaper and couldn't move her right side. She ended up crawling to the telephone but she couldn't remember my phone number. She called the only number she could remember, her friend, Cindy. For some reason, Cindy called my cousin Patrick, who called his wife Nancy, who then called me. I finally got the message and called Nancy back and she said that Mom had lost feeling in her right side and that Cindy was there with Bo. I raced out the door without a shower, without a bra, and without turning off the computer. (I guess this is a good reason to get dressed in the morning??)

I was at my mom's house approximately two minutes before I made the executive decision to call the ambulance. She couldn't move her right arm or leg very much (she said they felt like pins and needles) and her speech was slightly slurred. It was obviously a stroke. The hospital is two blocks away (literally) and the ambulance arrived in just a few minutes. Nancy kept Bo until Mike could make it home from work and I accompanied Mom to the ER.

Mom went back for a CAT scan relatively quickly and the results showed that she did indeed have a stroke. Then we were blessed to wait another two hours before being admitted. At this point, it was nearly 1:30, and I was starving. I came home and had a quick bite to eat, went to my mom's house to feed the cat and pack a bag for her, and then immediately headed back to the hospital.

My cousin, Kelly, was at the hospital when I arrived and it was nice to have someone else to talk to and entertain us for a little while. Around 3:30, they did an EKG and an ultrasound of Mom's throat. (We do not have the results of these tests yet.) We were told the doctor would be in around 6 and I wanted to be there when the doctor arrived. During this time, Mom was quite perturbed because they would not give her anything to eat or drink. Finally, they said she could have some juice and she is on a low sodium diet. Around 4, she ate, and that seemed to make her a bit happier.

During this time, the feeling had returned in her legs and she was feeling better. She was walking better and acting better. They brought her supper tray in about 5:30 (lunch at 4, supper at 5:30, what can I say, it's a classy hospital...) and while she was eating she suddenly lost control of her right side again. At this point, one of my friend's from school had come up to check on us as well. It was during this time that they hooked Mom up to several heart monitors. Turns out she should have been admitted in Telemetry instead of the general surgical floor. (My faith in said hospital continues to decrease...)

At 7, my cousin Patrick and his family came to see Mom and one of Mom's friends (another Cindy) came to see her as well. We're lucky the woman in the other bed sleeps constantly and wasn't disturbed by our racket. They all came and went and we still had not seen the doctor.

Finally, about 9:45, the doctor came in. At this point, we know that it was a stroke, and she will be starting speech and physical therapy tomorrow. He said that our goal is to prevent further strokes and to try to regain as much use as possible from the damage that this stroke has caused. He said that it could take weeks, or even months, for her to return to normal -- if ever. It will be an uphill battle. He did warn us that another, larger, stroke could be coming and she is on blood thinners and being monitored for prevention. We are looking at a minimum of five days in the hospital as well as long-term physical therapy. The doctor gave Mom a full physical and we should know more in a few days as the test results come back.

The doctor specifically said to Mom, "You have to stop smoking." And she appeared to be listening....

At this point, I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself, but those of you who have read here awhile or who know me in real life know how difficult that is for me. I already have contingency plans running through my mind for every possible scenario. Yet, I feel sure that the one scenario I don't think of, will be the one that happens.

Overall, I think this is my mom's wake up call. I've been on her case my entire life about smoking, eating right, and exercising. I've pushed. I've nagged. I've begged. I've cried. And thus far, it has done no good. This is her wake up call -- from God or Grandpa. I can't do any of these things for her, or I would. And I know that these lifestyle changes aren't going to be easy. But this is a sign. This is her wake up call. And she has a choice. Either she starts taking care of herself, or she isn't going to be here to see Bo (and the twins) grow up. She's going to miss out on all of the wonderful aspects of being a grandparent. Of being able to see them mature, grow, and blossom into preschoolers -- more or less adulthood.

My only hope is that she sees this the same way I do...

A "Tail" of Two Bo's

I'm sure you've heard that the Obama girls finally received the puppy that their father promised them during the campaign.

And did you hear his name?

Yep, they named the dog after my son....

Okay, so not really. The girls named the dog after their grandfather, who went by the nickname "Diddley." Bo is a reference to singer "Bo Diddley," according to the Washington Post.

I guess maybe I should feel weird that my child has a "dog" name, but truly, I don't. My Bo has grown into his name quite well and I can't imagine him being named anything else. Sure, some people may immediately associate the name with a dog, or with a Duke boy, but I still think my little Bobo is the cutest little boy there ever was. And definitely the cutest human or animal named Bo. :)

Wordless Wednesday: Egg Hunting

>

The Easter Bunny hid his eggs in my mom's fenced in backyard on Sunday. We weren't sure if Bo would understand the concept of hunting for eggs but with his five biggest fans in attendance and cheering him on, he picked up on the idea quite quickly.

For more Wordless Wednesday check out 5 Minutes for Mom.

For Maddie

I took this picture of a beautiful purple tulip that was blooming in our yard on Easter. There is only one and it was beautiful. Just like Maddie...

Today, Mike, Bo, and I are all wearing purple in honor of a little girl that we have never met but that I feel connected to because of this amazing world I have found inside of the computer.

Maddie's death has brought so many of us together and proven that we are a force to be reckoned with. I have been truly amazed by the outpouring of love that has been bestowed on the Spohrs over the last week. So many people do not understand blogging and the community/relationships that are formed within the blogosphere but when times get tough, we prove that our blog community is much more than just words on a screen.

Today, I place this virtual purple tulip on Maddie's grave and send my love to Heather and Mike as they face a day that no parent should ever have to go through.

Links:
Donate to a PayPal account established to help pay for Maddie's services.


Donate to the March of Dimes in honor of Maddie.

Article in the LA Times about Maddie.

KTLA video about Maddie.

Tributes and blog posts about Maddie.

Heather's Blog.

Why My House Looks Like a Tornado

We manage to cram more into one weekend than any other family I know.

Here's a rundown of what happened at my house this weekend.

1. All of the normal Bo routines - eat, sleep, play, entertain.
2. Shopping in Tuscola and Champaign. Bo needed more pjs.
3. Doctor's appointment that took forever. Twins are doing well.
4. Put together new kitchen table.
5. Moved out old dining room table. Turned dining room into living room.
6. Turned sitting area into eating area.
7. Had nursery furniture "delivered." It's all in our garage.
8. Scrapped the border off in room formerly know as the "purple room" or "queen room".
9. Turned the "purple room" into the nursery by painting it yellow. It needs one more coat.
10. Created an attic in the storage shed to store everything that is being packed up to make more room in the house.
11. Packed boxes with numerous items that I probably won't see again until after I move.
12. Cooked and ate various meals. Including hamburgers on the grill and Easter dinner.
13. Experimented with egg dye.
14. Worked on online classes.
15. Had a visit from the Easter Bunny and hunted for Easter eggs.

To make a long story short, it was a busy, but productive weekend. The in-laws were here and uber productive with numerous projects, as they always are when they visit. Today is another busy day, and I have a ton of "real" work to catch up on as well as a daunting to-do list.

I'll be back with more cohesive posts tomorrow and tons of new pictures. In the meantime, here's a pic of my favorite little bunny to hold you over.

Photo Story: Bo Plays at the Park

Who had more fun, Mike or Bo? :)

In Memory of Maddie

Around the time Bo was born, I started reading Heather's blog The Spohr's are Multiplying. Maddie was born 11 weeks premature, and just 9 days before Bo. I've followed Heather's blog religiously and I have enjoyed watching Maddie grow and reading about her mischief and antics.

Yesterday, the unthinkable happened. Maddie passed away.

My heart breaks with the pain that Heather and Mike are experiencing. Maddie was truly a beautiful and precious little girl who has touched countless people during her short life.

Please donate to the March of Dimes in Maddie's memory.

Wordless Wednesday: GoGo Goggles

These are "safety goggles" that came in a building set that Grandpa and Grandma bought Bo for Christmas. Of course, they can't wait until he is able to help with projects around the house. Hopefully he inherited their building gene! ;)

For more Wordless Wednesday head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Tuesdays with Dorie: Banana Creme Pie

Here is my beautiful, finished, banana creme pie. It looks innocent doesn't it?

Turns out, it wasn't so innocent. My mom spit out the first bite. I have a bit of a queasy stomach now anyway, so I decided to forgo the taste test. This beautiful pie ended up in the trash.

But, in the spirit of Tuesdays with Dorie and the many others who did have success with this pie, here is what I did...
First, I made the pastry creme. I thought it turned out okay. It thickened fast and when I tasted it, it tasted slightly like this Cream of Wheat Pudding that I use to make when I was doing Weight Watchers Core. That seemed a bit odd to me, but I continued laboring over the pie...

And then I made the homemade whipped cream for the top.

Finally, I layered it all together in my pie crust and let it chill for several hours so it would be ready for dessert on Sunday evening. After a yummy spring supper of grilled hamburgers, coleslaw, and onion rings, we were set to dig into the pie.

And my mom took the first bite. And out it came. "Something is wrong with this," she said. I gave Bo a bite at the same time and he made a funny look, but then wanted more. I gave it to him. The boy will eat anything.

What's wrong with it? I asked. I let Mom read the recipe and she decided that something had gone wrong with my milk.

The milk had boiled over...

Apparently, this is a very bad thing.

We'll chalk this one up in the failure category.

Preparing or Denial

The pendulum seems to be swinging erratically in my mind these days. I shift back and forth from needing to prepare for the arrival of twins to denial that we are pregnant and that there is a real possibility we might bring two babies home.

On the preparing side, the in-laws have secured the nursery furniture and will be bringing it down next weekend when we celebrate Easter. I've picked out the crib bumpers that I want, decided on a color for the room, cleaned out Bo's closet, ordered a new kitchen table (so we can turn the current dining room into a living room), and we are starting the process of cleaning out the guest room to make it a nursery. There is so much to do and I'm worried about the amount of time I'll be actively able to help do it.

I'm also reading... too much. All of the books talk about having a baby nurse or a nanny (I live in the middle of nowhere, even if we won the lottery, neither is going to happen!). None of them talk about having a toddler on top of twins. And everything I've read makes breastfeeding twins sound like a nightmare with 10-15 hours per day devoted to feeding. Not to mention all of the other baby care. Plus toddler care. And apparently I am suppose to eat, sleep, and shower in there too. It is overwhelming and feels like staring down the barrel of a gun that is about to go off and leave our life in chaos for at least the first year. I am trying to prepare myself mentally for this challenge but so far, I appear to be failing.

On the denial side, even on the cusp of entering the second trimester, it seems absurd to actually believe that we will be bringing two babies home in September. I know all of the many aspects of this pregnancy that can go wrong and when I really think about it, I truly do not see all of this ending well for us. And it worries me, makes me want to just shut down and forget that I'm even pregnant until I end up with babies on the other side. I think part of that is the infertility mindset, but I think another part of it is that I just know too many people with bad experiences.

I'm doing my best to balance both extremes -- the preparing and the denial -- but it's difficult to just be blindly happy and feel confident that it will all work out in the end when for so many, it hasn't...

Ask Jamie: Parenting Regrets

Tania asks:

What parenting regrets do you have? if any?

In many ways, I feel lucky. I really don't have any "real" parenting regrets... yet. When Bo was born, my life and priorities shifted in about a million different ways and I can honestly say that everything I've done since he was born has been for him or about him in some way. In some ways, that probably sounds unhealthy, but it is true, and I feel like thus far, I've made the right decisions for our family and for Bo in terms of everything from what he eats to how we are raising him.

Bo is still very young which has also impacted my list of regrets. I am sure as he grows older, my list of regrets will grow as well. Things like not allowing him to hang out with certain people or socialize at certain places. Saying things I wish I hadn't when he is going through his hormonal teenage years. Even getting angry during the toddler years will probably be something I live to regret. But right now, there really aren't any major issues that we've encountered that I've looked back on and not been able to correct or change the outcome.


In terms of personal regrets - I wish I had worried less when Bo was a newborn (okay, and now...). We've only left him with someone besides family once and it was a young woman that I trust implicitly. I worry about everything -- from baby proofing issues to choking hazards. I'm definitely anal retentive and totally paranoid about something happening to Bo and I wish I could calm those fears a bit more.

I also wish that I could find more balance in my life. But I think every Mom feels that way. I've done everything I can to try to make my life balanced between Bo, Mike, family, friends, work, home, etc. but it is still difficult and a delicate line to walk. I have a feeling that I'll be striving to find balance in all of these areas my whole life. But I hope that by trying to balance all of these things, most of the time I will succeed and in the mean time, be the best Mom that I can be.

A part of me feels like my goals for parenthood are slightly different than others and that this in turn will also impact my list of regrets as Bo grows older. My ultimate goal is for Bo to always know that he is unconditionally loved. I already know that I won't always be able to make him happy, even though many parents seem to have happiness as their number one goal. There are going to be evenings when he is going to want to go to a party and I'm not going to let him go. And he's going to be mad. There are going to be times when he will receive a bad grade and he may want me to fix it by talking to his teacher. I refuse. I think being a good parent is about a lot more than simply making your child happy. Sometimes, I'm going to have to be stern to teach him the tough lessons. I want him to be smart, responsible, honest, dependable, trustworthy, and have a strong work ethic, etc. Those aren't characteristics that are developed when the main goal is to make the child happy. Sometimes he is going to be unhappy. And that is going to be really difficult. But I hope in the long run, he'll turn out to be a better person for the life lessons that will come from not having a parent that always gives in and coddles him.

What are your parenting regrets? I'm especially interested to hear from those of you with toddlers and older children as I realize the actual parenting issues are going to become more difficult as he becomes older. What are your goals for parenting?

Friday's Feature at Sticky Feet Part Deux is Ask Jamie. Feel free to email me or leave a comment with any question you would like for me to answer. Anything is fair game!

Video You Should Watch

It's been quite awhile since I have seen this but it still speaks to me. Enjoy.




If you like this post, share it!

If you like this blog, think about subscribing to my RSS feed.