That Guy

I always told myself I wouldn't become "that guy." I'm not talking about the guy that drinks six beers each night to help him fall asleep. I'm not talking about the guy that saves his toenail goo. I'm talking about the guy that rakes his yard after mowing, even though there aren't any leaves to pick up.

Yeah. That guy.

It all started innocently enough. I am usually only able to mow on the weekends due to my daily commute and taking care of Bo. My last opportunity to mow was two weekends ago. It has been raining a LOT here the past two weeks and my yard began resembling a prairie. I thought, "No worries, Mom and Dad got me the bagger attachment for my mower a few months ago. I'll use this opportunity (notice how I deluded myself into seeing this as an opportunity?) to assemble the bagger attachment and suck up the grass.

If you are anything like me, you probably get similar innocent thoughts. This time mine was, "I'll assemble the bagger attachment." Simple, right? 5 minutes. No problem!

Hah.

Thirty minutes and multiple trips between the shed and garage reveal I am NOT going to be able to jerry-rig my way out of two missing bagger parts. So much for using that to clean up the grass.

So I mowed. And mowed. And mowed. It took me twice as long as usual. Pseudo-prairie grass is tough stuff.

I reviewed my work once finished. The prairie grass lay in thick rows on my beautiful lawn. My mind flashed forward to a few days from now when that lush green prairie grass turns an ugly shade of brown. Simply unacceptable.

So yeah, this weekend I became "that guy."

I feel dirty.

Mike

Memorial Day Weekend Fun

Over Memorial Day weekend, we took off on Friday to visit Mike's family, returning home on Monday afternoon. We had a great time and enjoyed visiting with family and friends, eating, shopping, etc. It was the typical whirlwind weekend that we experience when we visit -- too much to do, too little time.

Bo enjoyed the trip and loved being constantly busy and active. He enjoyed entertaining the family with his antics at Mike's grandpa's birthday party. He loved feeding the ducks and really enjoyed spending time in Grandpa and Grandma's yard.

Watch out! He's on the loose!

Daddy and Bo explored Grandma and Grandpa's yard thoroughly. There are numerous plants, trees, and paths that are perfect for piquing our little guy's curiosity.

He loved collecting rocks. But we're still working on not putting them in our mouth -- doing better -- but still not to the point where playing in the rocks can be an unsupervised activity.

Bo enjoyed testing out a hand-me-down from cousin Charlie -- a tricycle! Bo didn't understand the pedals, but enjoyed having Mike push him around the circle driveway and pushing the trike around himself.

We took walks, went to the park, went shopping, ate good food and too much of it. We tuckered the little guy out each day so he took long naps and slept well at night too. It was a successful and fun weekend.

This weekend is proving to be much less entertaining with a sick little guy on our hands. He has a fever so we're sticking close to home and trying to figure out what's wrong. :(

Ask Jamie: Typical Day

Anonymous asks:
I've really enjoyed your "A Day in the Life" posts. What is your life like now that you're not working outside the home?

My "A Day in the Life" posts can be found here, here, and here.

I won't be as specific, or creative, with this post as I have been in some of the others, but I will give you a brief run down of my day.

5:00 am - Mike's alarm goes off. He gets in the shower. Sometimes I get up then, other times I wait until he is out of the shower.

5:15-7 am - Mike leaves for work and I grab a bowl of cereal and hop on the computer. This is usually when I write my blog post for the day, check my email, and catch up with my bloggy friends. I typically start work after I have checked my "daily sites."

7 am - Shower, dress, groom, etc. Despite working from home I do actually change out of my pjs each day. ;)

7:30-8 am - Bo wakes up. I go in and am always greeted by Bo pointing at his pacis on the floor and saying "uh-oh". :) I change him and get him dressed.

8 am - Bo's breakfast. He use to eat milk and oatmeal with apple sauce and cinnamon. Usually with a few Cheerios mixed in for crunch. Lately, he hasn't been a big fan of cereal though - I've been making him banana bread or pancakes most mornings.

8-9 am - Bo and I play and read books. He is usually in a good mood and anxious to play. As soon as I say "Are you ready to go to Grammie's?" he races to the laundry room to get his shoes. He's always ready to go! Around 9 either I take Bo to Grammie's or my mom picks him up.

9:15 am - Grab a snack. Login to my online classes and start working. This is also the time of day when I do other errands and little things around the house. I can't stare at the computer for 3 hours straight (surprising, I know) so I try to take a break every hour. My breaks usually include doing laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and other really exciting activities. Working online is very sedentary. I eat lunch at some point during this time as well. If I don't graze the entire morning on random snacks.

12:30 pm - Go get Bo.

1:00 pm - Put Bo down for his nap. Log back in and keep working. The fun never ends. :)

2:30 pm - Bo wakes up. I change him and we try to figure out something to do. Many days we just play at home. If the weather is nice we'll play on the porch or go for a walk. He also likes to go visit friends, go to the park, go to the library, etc. This is our time for those activities.

4:45 pm - Mike calls and is on his way home from work. I start preparing supper and typically Bo tortures me by opening all of the kitchen drawers and wanting to eat immediately. :) I also pack Bo's lunch for the next day and make sure everything is ready for the next morning. If my mom is coming for dinner, she is here while I make supper and entertains the Bobo.

5:35 pm - Mike arrives home and we eat dinner. I like to have dinner ready as soon as Mike is home -- both because Bo is starving by this point and because it makes it seem like we have more of an evening if we eat and clean up the kitchen early.

6 pm - Dinner is over and we manage to clean everything up. Including all of the food Bo has chosen to feed to the cats. Mike takes Bo upstairs and gives him a bath and/or puts him in his pjs. Mike and Bo usually go downstairs to play while I log back into the computer to work some more.

7 pm - We put Bo to bed. Usually, I stop working at this point (unless I am really swamped) and Mike and I will watch TV or do something together for the rest of the evening. We DVR some of our favorite shows so we are always trying to catch up - LOST, The Daily Show, Colbert Report, The Office, House, Jon and Kate Plus 8, Top Chef, and Fringe are typically recorded. Now that baseball season has started, we enjoy Cubs games as well.

9 pm - We head up to bed. Usually we both read for a little while. I always seem to be the first one to pass out. :)

This pretty much summarizes our day, every weekday. It really isn't very exciting. I work a lot, considering I am working "part-time" from home, but I do enjoy the flexibility that teaching online provides me (as well as the income). It is nice to be able to go to a doctor's appointment without having to worry about a sub or a sick day. I feel like it gives me a lot more time to be with Bo and it's nice to be able to do household chores during working hours. At the same time, I miss the interaction and social aspect of the brick and mortar school environment, like I discussed in my post yesterday. I miss having lunch with my friends and having a reason to wear something besides sweatpants. :)

And obviously, we'd love to in the same town where Mike is working to eliminate the 2 hours Mike spends commuting each day...

Overall, I don't see myself working from home forever and I know our lives are going to change even more drastically when we add two more little ones to our family, but for now, being a WAHM and having this schedule and routine is working for us.

Is your personal schedule and routine working for you? What would you like to change? What are your plans to make those changes a reality?

Friday's Feature at Sticky Feet Part Deux is Ask Jamie. Feel free to email me or leave a comment with any question you would like for me to answer. Anything is fair game!

Is the Grass Greener?

When I made the decision to quit my brick and mortar teaching job, a large part of me felt like being a work-at-home-mom (WAHM) would be better. And easier. And more fulfilling. And just plain peachy.

And while there are numerous aspects of working from home that I enjoy and appreciate, the fact of the matter is, it's hard. And it isn't as easy-peasy and rosy as I had pictured it in my mind.

Or maybe the grass just always seems greener on the other side...

I love that I'm able to spend more time with Bo and that my days are more flexible. Many days I'm grateful that I don't have to dress up and I can make myself whatever I want for lunch. There are perks. But many days I wonder if the perks are really worth it.

In order to accommodate my work schedule, I have to be out of bed no later than 5:30 to accomplish a few hours of work before Bo is awake for the day. I'm a morning person, so this isn't too horrible, but it definitely makes my days feel a lot longer.

I find time wherever I can to work. Bo is not conducive to work. He'll let me read blogs and tweet from my Blackberry but when it comes to actually letting me sit on the computer and grade papers -- "No way, Jose!" You may be tempted to suggest Sesame Street or some other educational program to give me a few extra minutes to work. The only show that Bo will sit through in it's entirety is Signing Time. And even then, he must be on my lap. That means that on days when my mom is not able to watch him, I work when he sleeps -- before he gets up, when he takes his nap, and after he goes to bed. I find myself jealous and envious of my SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) friends who are able to nap when their children do or even clean the house and jealous of my WOHM friends (work-outside-the-home) who are able to eat lunch and have 8 kid-uninterrupted hours to work. I await nap time with the same rigor as every other parent -- but I await it so I can work, not so I can actually accomplish anything around the house or Heaven-help-me have a little much needed "me time."

Many days, my mom will watch Bo for 3-4 hours so I can work (yes, we pay her) and this helps a lot. I've found that if I can really focus for those few hours I can accomplish a great deal and it makes the rest of the day much better.

That said, there are many aspects of brick and mortar teaching that I miss. I actually miss waking up in the morning and having a reason to take a shower and dress nicely. Sure, I love being comfy in my sweats every day, but sometimes I just miss having the need to look presentable. Just last week I decided to skip the shower because I had so much work to do. I knew Bo wouldn't mind my stench. Definitely not an option when you work outside the home.

I also miss adult conversation. Sure, I talk to my mom and Mike daily and email and see many of my friends often, but it isn't the same as the constant chatter that is ongoing in a work environment.

And there are numerous aspects of the work itself that I miss. I miss establishing my own curriculum (online curriculum where I teach is predetermined). I miss the flexibility to grade when I want without deadlines. I miss being able to throw out an assignment if students do poorly. I miss the face-to-face interaction with students. I love the portability and the lack of discipline issues in the online classroom but I constantly wonder, is it worth the trade?

Weekends are also a big issue for me. I had my curriculum developed so that when I left school on Friday, I typically left with a clean desk and empty handed. No grading or thinking about school until the next week. It was great for my sanity. Online teaching is 7 days a week and I have to check-in at least every 24 hours. I haven't had a day off since Christmas and the need for a few days offline and to unplug are very needed (but definitely won't be happening until at least the end of August -- and probably not until when the babies are born -- since that will be such a relaxing time! ha!)

Also, this time of year, I miss the end of school year rush. I miss the excitement of Prom and even the Senioritis that is rampant during the month of May (heck, some years it's January 1st). I miss wearing orange on Friday and the promise of a three month summer vacation. I miss chatting with my yearbook girls about boys and arguing with them about layouts.

While I know I made the right decision and I'm glad that I've been able to witness Bo changing and growing first hand, I miss my old job -- and even the bureaucracy that came with it.

Maybe it's just easy to feel like this right now because my colleagues are on summer break, while I'm digging myself out of a pile of finals....

Wordless Wednesday: Eye

I just love the look of Bo's eye in this photo.

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

Lemon Broiled Fish

Last week, I made this simple and quick fish dish for our family. The flavor of the fish is phenomenal and this recipe is Bo-approved!

The first step is to mix up the sauce. I used the juice from one fresh lemon, 2 tablespoons of Dijon mustard, 2 tablespoons of melted butter, a bit of pepper.

I used frozen fish fillets that I quickly thawed under running water. I used both tilapia and orange roughy so we we would be able to compare the flavor of both types of fish. I covered a cookie sheet with foil, placed the thawed fillets on top, and coated them liberally with the sauce mixture.

Voila! The completed dish. The front piece of fish is the tilapia and the fish in back was the orange roughy. We enjoyed the tilapia more than the orange roughy, but both types were very good. I served the fish with broccoli and brown rice. Yum!

Lemon Broiled Fish

6 Tbsp. lemon juice
2 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
2 Tbsp. butter (melted)
1/2 tsp. pepper
4 orange roughy fillets

Combine the first four ingredients and mix well. Spray a baking pan with PAM and place fish in pan. Liberally coat fish with sauce mixture. Broil for 10 minutes or until fish flakes easily. Quick, easy, and great with brown rice and broccoli for a healthy dinner!

Ask Jamie: Naming the Twins

Spanglish asks:
Are you going to name the first one out a specific name? Or are you going to take a look at them first and then decide who is Anna and who is Clara?

Last weekend, Bo, Mike, and I were sitting in the twin's nursery. Bo was wanting to play in the cribs and Mike and I were discussing what needs to be done and what we need to purchase before the girl's arrive when Mike brought up the topic of how we plan to name the girls.

I responded that I just figured that the first one out would be Clara and the second one out would be Anna. Mike said that is what he assumed too, but he was curious about my thoughts.

I told him about Spanglish's comment and said that I didn't see any reason to wait and look at both of them before naming them as I do not have any preconceived notions regarding what an "Anna" or a "Clara" should look like. They will be, who they will be, and I am sure their name will grow to fit them, just as Bo's name has grown to fit him.

That said, I'm sure at some point down the road the thought will cross my mind -- what if we named them the opposite names -- but I assume that most likely that will just seem strange and silly.

So, the consensus here at Chez Sticky Feet is that the first baby born will be Clara Jane and the second baby born will be Anna James.

What are your thoughts on this decision? Would you want to look at the girls first? Why?

Friday's Feature at Sticky Feet Part Deux is Ask Jamie. Feel free to email me or leave a comment with any question you would like for me to answer. Anything is fair game!

Happy 1 1/2 Year Birthday, Bo!

Bo,

I think it's official -- I can't call you a baby anymore. You're a big boy and make sure that everyone in your path knows about it!! You're becoming more stubborn and demanding but we're loving every minute of it!

Since I wrote your 15 month letter, your comprehension has increased dramatically. In all of your books you can point to specific objects and animals. You'll point to different items and tell me what they are -- "car," "cat," "tree," "shoes," etc. You can say "yes" when you want a specific item or food I offer or you sign your own version of "no" if the food is not an acceptable choice by waving your hand back and forth in front of you. You're not actually saying "no" yet, but you do say "yes," "sure," and "okay." I wonder if part of it is because "Bo" sounds so much like "no"?

I wish that you were saying more words but I know that you are understanding more and more each day, so I feel confident that the words will come with time. On Sunday, Daddy was drinking a Diet Coke and you said "Coke". And then Daddy called it a "pop" and you said "pop." (And no, we didn't let you have any...) I am hopeful that you are on the cusp of your language explosion.

You've reached the point where you want to eat anything anyone else is eating. You're also much more demanding about food than you use to be. You have very clear wants and they change from meal to meal. For several meals, you'll love raspberries and then, suddenly, you'll want nothing to do with them for days. It definitely makes it more difficult to figure out what to feed you for each meal.

You continue to be a good sleeper and have completely transitioned to one nap per day. You sleep at night from 7 - 7 (but you've been waking up early this week!) and then nap from 1-2:30 or 3. You did have a "nap strike" two days last week but I think that may have been due to teething. Your canine teeth are just peeking through your gumline this week.

We've had many adventures over the last three months -- we've traveled to visit Grandpa and Grandma, gone for numerous walks and bike rides, enjoyed playing at various parks, picked out books and played at the library, had play dates with friends, ate at restaurants, and discovered your newest love -- Baby Signing Time. You are infatuated with this DVD and it is the only TV show that you've shown enough interest in to watch the entire DVD (numerous times) as long as you are sitting on my lap. You do like Sesame Street as well but any other show doesn't capture your interest for long. I know that this is a good thing, but sometimes, Mommy just needs you to be occupied for a few minutes so she can try to get some of her work done! You have different ideas and think that if the TV is on you should be on Mommy's lap... hum...

You also had your first bout with the flu and threw up all over Mommy. Poor Daddy had to clean it up (as Mommy started throwing up too...) and we both felt so bad for you. The sickness went through all of us and we were all glad when that week was over. I am sure you lost a few pounds that week but your appetite picked right back up once you felt better.

The next few months will be packed with new and exciting adventures. You will be starting to go to daycare a few mornings a week to play with the other kids, going on your first vacation outside of the Midwest (Florida), starting beginner swimming lessons, playing in your sandbox for the first time, and enjoying so many other summertime firsts!

We celebrated your 1/2 birthday yesterday with pizza, cupcakes, and presents (yes, you're spoiled!) at home with Mommy, Daddy, and Grammie. Your big present from us your new bike trailer but Grammie made up for the limited presents to open from Mommy and Daddy by bringing plenty of new goodies from her -- new books, new clothes, and the hit of the evening -- 2 sets of collector cars from the Cars movie. Here are a few pictures from our fun:

It's possible that by the time I write your 21 month letter you'll be a big brother to two little sisters! (We hope they stay in a bit longer than that... but we'll see!) We know you'll be a wonderful big brother and love Clara and Anna when they arrive. Mommy has to admit that she's glad that she won't have to try to love another little boy as much as she loves you -- she just can't imagine it!

I love you more and more each day, little guy. I'm so glad you're mine!

Love always,
Mama

Wordless Wednesday: Bubbles

On Sunday morning, we went for a walk and then decided to spend a little time outside. I broke out one of Bo's Easter gifts -- a tiger bubble blower. This was Bo's first experience with bubbles. I think his reactions are pretty typical -- wanting to touch and eat the bubbles!

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

POM Pork Medallions

Recently, POM sent me a case of pomegranate juice to taste test. I tried the juice plain and it reminded me a bit of cranberry juice, but I have to admit, it isn't something that I would drink regularly. I also tried adding the POM to seltzer water, which was fine, but not wonderful.

I went searching for healthy recipes using POM and found this recipe for pork chops with a pomegranate marinade on one of the blogs I frequent -- Green Lite Bites. I modified the recipe slightly and we were thrilled with the results. This dish is healthy and tastes great!

Ingredients:

8 oz. POM Wonderful juice

2 Tbsp. honey

2 Tbsp. minced garlic

2 tsp. basil

2 lb pork tenderloin

1 vidalia onion

salt and pepper

Whisk together the POM juice, honey, garlic, and basil to make a marinade. Trim the tenderloin (one of my main beefs with pork is it can be fatty so I like to trim off all of the fat) and cut into medallions. My tenderloin made 10 medallions -- that's a lot of pork! Slice the onion.

Layer the pork, onions, and a bit of marinade several times in a Ziploc bag. Place in the fridge and marinate for at least 12 hours. Each time I opened the fridge I mixed it around a bit to make sure that all of the pork was coated.

Fire up the grill and grill the onions and medallions until your desired doneness (I prefer all of my meat extra well done). Please ignore Mikey's disheveled appearance -- this was on Sunday evening after walking, biking, weeding, mowing, planting, etc. Mike had a busy and productive day and was in need of a shower! ;)

The pork has an amazing flavor and is definitely a recipe I'll make again. I was really impressed with the flavor but it was not overwhelming. The vidalia onions are a must and give a wonderful, sweet, crunch. I served the pork with green beans and new potatoes. Delish!

This recipe has been cross posted at my review blog http://www.stickyfeetreviews.com/.

10 Years

Yesterday, the East Richland High School Class of 2009 walked across the stage and received their diplomas. It's difficult to believe that 10 years ago, as a member of the Class of 1999, I walked across that same stage and began my journey into adulthood.

It seems like just yesterday and yet forever ago -- all at the same time. I've faced challenges and obstacles I never imagined. I've changed my path numerous times and I've been lucky that it has always worked out in my favor. I've maintained friendships with many of my high school chums and still talk to many of them regularly. It's been a successful 10 years -- with so much I could never have anticipated -- but with the outcome being so much more.

A few weeks after graduation, I hand wrote a list of goals for the next 10 years on a piece of lined notebook paper. When I look at this piece of paper now, I'm both surprised and amazed at what I've been able to accomplish and at how level-headed I was, even at the young age of 17.

Many of my goals were straight-forward - graduate from college, get married (although I married a different boy than I had originally intended -- it ended up better ;)), drive a nice car, buy a home, become a teacher at my Alma Matter, advise the yearbook, etc. Other goals were more "risky" - win the fair queen pageant (yes, I know -- it was actually a goal... You can roll your eyes. I'm rolling mine too.), obtain an advanced degree (I was thinking law school at the time -- but I guess I should have been more specific -- my Master's in Poli Sci still counts...), be debt free, never have a balance on my credit card, etc.

Amazingly, out of all of the thirty goals I had for myself in June of 1999, I've managed to meet or exceed all but one of them. One of my goals was to "save $100,000 before marriage." Needless to say, that didn't happen (I was 22 when we were married) -- but I did have a good savings that helped us to purchase many of the items we needed as a young couple just starting their life together. But, $100,000, it was not.

As I think about the students who graduated yesterday, I wonder about their goals. I know that few people have quite the same intense drive that I have when it comes to meeting goals (my Grandpa always said I never did things halfway...) but I wonder what their dreams are. I wonder where they will be in 10 years and I wonder where I will be in 10 years as well....


For your reading pleasure, and for my own accountability, here's what I hope for over the next 10 years, in no particular order. (Written much too quickly this morning... I'm sure I left something important out...)

1. Drive my Acadia until it dies.
2. Live in a nice home with plenty of room for all of us.
3. Still love Mike as much as I do today (if not more).
4. Have an 11 1/2 year old that I'm proud to call my son!
5. Enjoy the fruits of our labor with twin 9-year-old girls who are happy, smart, well-behaved, and respectful.
6. Be happy.
7. Be working at a job that I enjoy and that compensates me well for my time -- most likely a community college - either online or brick and mortar.
8. Weigh 125 lbs. and maintain that weight. (Yes, there was a weight on my last goal sheet and no, I didn't count pregnancy when I took maintaining said weight into consideration.)
9. Exercise at least 3 times a week.
10. Cook and eat healthy meals with my family.
11. Be intelligent enough to say "no" to outside obligations when necessary.
12. Be completely debt free.
13. Maintain a sense of self despite being entrenched in the early years of motherhood.
14. Maintain a few hobbies that mean a lot to me -- blogging/journaling, baking, photography, reading.
15. Ensure that my children always know they are loved and special.
16. Live each day to the fullest.
17. Wish my life away less.
18. Tell the important people in my life that I appreciate them more.
19. Invest in a nice wardrobe after the twins are born and remember that it is okay to still look nice even though I'm a mom. (This is code for not letting myself wear no makeup and sweatpants every day for the next 10 years...)
20. Take the time to stop and smell the roses by finding time in the chaos of raising our brood to enjoy the little things.
21. Take a vacation every year without our children.
22. Take at least one vacation every year with our children.
23. Do as many fun activities with our little ones as possible. They are only going to be little once.
24. Be slightly less obsessive. There are lots of positives about my obsessiveness -- but some of it could be calmed a bit. ;)
25. Indulge in a few things that others think are crazy to maintain the sanity of all.

Definitely different goals than I had 10 years ago... Here's to the next 10 years. Hopefully I'll have as much success in achieving these goals as I did the ones I wrote when I was 17.

I wonder... will 27 feel as young as 17 does now, in 10 years when I'm 37??

Ask Jamie: Will Bo Read the Blog?

I'm a little slow on the uptake these days, but a few weeks ago, Baby Smiling in the Backseat asked the blogosphere the question:
Would you have your child read your blog someday? Do you ever think of your (real or imagined) children as future readers when writing?

My answer is definitely yes. The reason I began blogging was to provide a journal for myself in my quest to achieve a pregnancy. I read Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas and I wanted a journal that would leave a piece of who I am behind for our future offspring.

While I am definitely not the best writer and there are things I've written that have caused family controversy and awkward friendships, there is nothing in my blogs (or in my life for that matter) that I would feel the need to shelter from my son. Sure, he's probably not ready at the age of a year and a half to read the blog and understand the journey that we went through to have him, but I have saved the archives of the old blog and this blog in several locations so that they will be available to him when he is ready.

I think a lot of this stems from my desire to have an open and honest relationship with all of my children. I don't want them to see me just as "mom" but as a person as well. And while this blog mostly focuses on my "mom" role -- sometimes a little hint of the "real" me sneaks into my writing as well.

And yes, I'll be the first to admit, there are numerous posts in my archives that I already look back on and think "OMG! What was I thinking??!!" But I think that is part of life. Part of growing up. Life changes and evolves and so do my thoughts. My life is different than it was three years ago and those changes have impacted who I am. Sometimes, you just have to look back and laugh.

In a strange way, I think it also takes a weird type of courage to share many of my inner-most thoughts daily in the blogosphere. Especially because I am no longer anonymous and know many RL friends and family are reading. I'm proud of myself for having the courage to share. For not caring what everyone thinks or becoming wrapped up in the drama that the blog sometimes causes. Sometimes people misconstrue my words. Sometimes people take my posts too seriously. Sometimes people jump to conclusions based on one post. (And my true friends and family talk to me about posts that bother them and we figure it out.) And I'll admit I've even had those brief moments where I've thought about not writing anymore...

But at the heart of the matter is, this post is who I am today. And what child wouldn't want to read back and be able to see their parents in a new light? To understand both the joys and worries of every day life during a time when they were merely a thought or just beginning to toddle. I know I would love to read about how my mom was feeling when I was little, even if I didn't agree with all of it or ended up laughing at half of it. Hopefully, by the time Bo reads my musings, he'll be old enough to understand that this blog became more than just a journal - it became a way to share our life with others and a way to connect with friends across the country. It has become my therapy -- my place to vent my worries and showcase my love for my family. And I hope that by reading my words, even if he thinks a lot of it is ridiculous, he'll see that he (and his sisters) will always be my number one priority and love in life.

Would you want your child(ren) to read your blog?

Friday's Feature at Sticky Feet Part Deux is Ask Jamie. Feel free to email me or leave a comment with any question you would like for me to answer. Anything is fair game!

The Daycare Dilemma

Over the course of the last several weeks, it's become apparent that Bo needs to spend more time around other children. While there were three weeks with no childcare (and I still managed to work - *patting myself on the back*) my mom is back to watching Bo on a slightly altered schedule. That said, at Grammie's and at home, Bo is the center of the universe and has no one close to his age to talk to and interact with.

Economically, we are quickly finding that part-time daycare is ridiculous. I won't go into specific dollar figures as I know daycare varies wildly around the country, but it actually makes more financial sense for us to enroll Bo in daycare full-time (40 hours per week) as opposed to part-time (7 hours of daycare, 15 hours at my mom's).

But the issue isn't really money, it's my issue with being away from Bo. It's been my issue all along. I hate the idea of being away from Bo for any length of time (yet there are days when I so desperately need time to work or that much alluded to but rarely seen concept of "me time" to do something oh so important as showering...). I hate the idea of taking him somewhere and leaving him for the day. I despise the idea that I can't do it all and work a million hours a week and be Super Mom. I hate the idea that someone else would be "raising my child."

Logically, when I am able to set those feelings and emotions aside, I realize that in order to keep working and maintain my sanity, I can't be with him all the time. My mom has been the perfect solution up to this point as I know she loves him unconditionally and I have no worries about him when she is in her care.

But Bo needs exposure to other children. Bo's vocabulary, while now up to 20ish words, isn't where I would like it to be. We read and I work with him constantly, but I think part of the problem is that I (and Mike and Grammie) know what he wants and rarely require him to actually say anything. Also, we are not around other children very much -- we've had a few play dates and we've visited friends (most of which go very well once Bo warms up to the other children) but he doesn't have any consistent contact with other children his age. And it's time. He needs to be exposed to other kids. He needs to be able to play and make friends. He needs the social interaction.

And while logically, I know that sending a child to daycare is something that millions of parents do every day, my brain runs wild with crazy ideas. What if something happens to him when he isn't in my care? What if he runs in the street? What if he screams and won't eat his snack? What if he hates it?

While economically insane, I'm leaning towards sending Bo to daycare on a part-time basis and having my mom continue to watch him as well. I want to ease him (and myself) into the situation and see how things go...

I never anticipated being the type of Mom who would have such intense fears and issues with leaving my child with others. It must come from my anal retentive side that constantly wants to be in control. But I know a large part of parenting is slowly giving up that control and raising an independent thinker. I just didn't realize it would be so difficult...

Wordless Wednesday: Plastic Paradise

One of the major undertakings of the last few weeks has been to clean out the guest room to make room for the babies. I say a little prayer each day that our house sells or Mike is promoted soon so we can buy a bigger house but so far, it isn't happening. Therefore, we're attempting to store about a million different things in various crevices of our home.

The twin beds that use to be in the guest room needed to be wrapped in plastic so they could be stored in our garage. Luckily, Bo thought the plastic was his own mini-amusement park and loved crawling in the plastic, bouncing on the mattresses on the floor, and "helping" to wrap up the beds.

For More Wordless Wednesday (yes, I know, mine is never wordless...) visit 5 Minutes for Mom.

Chocolate Mini-Muffins (Low Fat and High Fiber)

Well, it seems I'm bailing on Tuesdays with Dorie. It's been weeks since I've managed to actually make one of the recipes and I just can't seem to find the time to do it with the way my schedule has been lately. I love to bake, and I'm sad to see it go, but it's time for a change around here.

Since my mom's stroke, we've all been making a conscious effort to eat better and that definitely impacts the goodies I am motivated to bake each week. Also, despite the fact that I'm currently pregnant with twins and actually encouraged to eat a high fat, high protein, high calorie diet, I know that after the girls are born, there will be some major lifestyle changes for all of us in the Sticky Feet household (not limited to lack of sleep). We all need to be more healthy and I am so ready to reclaim my body after years of infertility, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and now more pregnancy and probably breastfeeding. I know it isn't going to be easy -- especially with three small children, but hopefully posting about it here and finding healthy recipes will help.

And that isn't to say you won't see a few Tuesdays with Dorie posts from time to time -- or high fat recipes for chocolaty goodness. I'm all about indulgence. But you're probably going to start seeing more alternative recipes instead of the classic, rich, and fattening fare.

I had a random craving for these "healthier" mini-muffins last week so I whipped up a batch. I actually find they are great for a quick chocolate fix and they are extremely quick and easy to make -- which is the type of recipe I'm going to need with three children under 2 at home! The result is very rich and brownie like -- not to mention low fat and high in fiber.

Even Reagan was interested...

Chocolate Mini-Muffins

1 box devils food cake mix
1 can pumpkin
½ cup chocolate/butterscotch chips

Preheat oven to 350. In a medium mixing bowl combine cake mix and pumpkin – batter will be very thick (sometimes I add a dash of Diet Coke to thin the batter a bit) . Divide into 24 mini-muffin cups. Add 3 to 4 chocolate/butterscotch chips on top of each. Bake for 15 minutes. 1 WW point each.

The Names Have Been Finalized!

Our girls have names, pajamas, and cribs!

Mike and I talked about names on the way home on Friday and on Saturday morning we made our final decision. We decided to go with family names that are simple, elegant, and fairly popular. We did not want the names to start with the same letter or sound "catchy" together, but still have a similar feel.


Baby A will be Clara Jane (I think I will call her Clara, but she can go by "C.J." as well) - Clara is Mike's maternal grandmother's name. Mary Jane is Mike's paternal grandmother's name. Jane is also the name of my favorite high school teacher and one of Mike's aunts.

Baby B will be Anna James - (Again, I think I will call her Anna, but she can go by "A.J." as well) Anna is my grandpa's mom's name. James is Mike's dad's name, Mike's middle name, and similar to my name.

We worked on the nursery this weekend and it is slowly starting to come together. All of the furniture is setup and everything that doesn't belong has been moved elsewhere (how and why do I have so much crap???). I still have quite the list of things to buy and lots of organizing to do, but it at least looks like a room that could hold two babies, so that is definitely a positive.

We also purchased our first girl clothing this weekend. After eating lunch in Mattoon yesterday, we headed up to Tuscola and bought each girl a newborn sleeper. We've decided we will not dress the girls alike (I'm already focusing on how to make sure they are individuals and not just "the twins") and they can share all of their clothes for the first few years (or until they actually care). The first sleeper is white with large pink polka dots and it has a pink bee on the chest. The second sleeper is yellow with multicolored hearts and says Love across the chest. Dressing girls is definitely going to be a change from all of the baseball and car motif clothing that Bo wears! Especially since I'm not a big fan of frilly stuff, lace, and bows!

It is slowly starting to feel more real that this may actually happen. My stomach seems to be growing daily, which definitely makes it seem more real that I'm pregnant. I'm still worried that something will happen but I am doing my best to mentally prepare myself for the possibility that we may actually be bringing two little girls home with us in a few short months.

If you're interested in seeing how fat I'm becoming, head over to my review blog where I'm giving away two tees from Boob Maternity (each with an $89 value!!).

We're having...

Today was our Level II Ultrasound in Champaign. It took forever (and I was nearly sick from being on my back for so long) but we were pleased to find out that both babies are doing well and the peri sees no need for us to do an amino. Our risks for a baby with a chromosomal abnormality are approximately 1 in 5,000. Both babies are measuring right on target and have all of their important parts. We even saw their gallbladders! Both babies currently weigh 7 ounces.... hum, I wonder where all that other weight is coming from??

And now, what you've all been waiting for...

Baby A is a:

girl!!

And Baby B is a:

girl!!

I have to admit that we were both surprised. At the beginning this pregnancy I thought I was carrying a boy and a girl. Recently, I'd been thinking that I was pregnant with two boys. Mike still felt confident that it was a boy and girl.

We were both slightly flabbergasted that there are two girls!

Bo will be a great big brother to these little girls -- and he'll remain the "cutest little boy there ever was." :) I'm already dreading the teenage years. I think I may need to reread the Sweet Valley High series... They had an older brother didn't they?? ;)

Names are not set in stone, but you can click here for my initial thoughts on names when we originally found out we were expecting twins in February.

Random Life Updates

1. Mom

Mom went back to the doctor on Tuesday and was given the all clear to watch Bo and drive again. We are all thrilled! She is doing amazingly well since her stroke and hasn't had a cigarette in 3 weeks (today)! She will continue going to physical therapy and has a low-fat diet and exercise routine to follow, but overall, given the situation, it is better than any of us could have hoped for. While I wouldn't wish a stroke on anyone, this has given Mom the wake-up call she needed to make herself healthier (and hopefully happier) and for that, and the fact that it was not much worse, I am grateful.

2. In-laws

The in-laws will be down for the weekend to celebrate Mother's Day with us (as long as everyone is healthy...). We're looking forward to seeing them. No projects have been assigned for the weekend -- but that doesn't mean much when these two are involved. :) If I'm quiet this weekend, this will be one reason why... ;)

3. Work

I am currently teaching 6 classes online. Two classes should take approximately 20 hours per week. You do the math. There are many aspects of teaching online (money being one of them...) that I enjoy and I hope to be able to do this for several years in the future. That said, until yesterday, I've had no childcare for the last 3 weeks. It's rough to be a full-time Mommy and work the equivalent of 60 hours when the child is sleeping. All six classes turned assignments in last night. Yet another reason why I may be quiet for a few days -- too many papers!

4. Mike

Mike is back up to par and doing well after our illness last week. He takes Bo for a walk or a bike ride in the evenings after supper so that I can find a few extra minutes to work, which is always nice and much needed. Work is going well for him but will be extra busy for the next several months as one of his colleagues will be having a baby any day now. He's also been staying busy by working in the yard -- remulching the gardens, planting veggies, and spraying for weeds. The fun never ends when you own a home!

5. Moving

Yes, we're still here. No, our house hasn't sold. No, we don't really expect it to. :) Mike is continuing to apply for promotions around the state when they become available but it's a constant wait and see situation. I still feel confident that everything will happen around the time the twins are born (to stress me out even more...) -- that just seems to be the way our lives work.

6. Bo

Bo is also feeling much better after his illness last week. His appetite and energy is back with vengeance! While I hated that he was sick it was nice to actually be able to hold him and cuddle him -- he's usually so busy that holding him for any length of time isn't an option! He's talking and understanding more and more every day. I am starting to look into daycare options for a couple of mornings a week in order to provide him with some socialization. Bo loves going to Grammie's but we all fall into the trap of letting Bo rule the roost and I think it would be good for him to have some experiences with other children.

7. Twins

My pregnancy is progressing well. I am 17 weeks 2 days and it becoming obvious that I'm not just fat - I'm pregnant. We go to the doctor in Champaign tomorrow for our Level II ultrasound with the peri. We are looking forward to seeing the babies and hopefully finding out the genders.

8. Reviews

I have a new review up on my review blog and there should be several more in the next week! Be sure to head over, follow me there, and comment to win! http://www.stickyfeetreviews.com/

Wordless Wednesday: New Toy

On Saturday, we invested in a new toy -- a Bike Trailer! Mike and Bo had a great time going for bike rides on Saturday and Sunday while I worked. I look forward to the day when I can get back on the bike and pull a little one (or two) behind me!

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5 Minutes for Mom!

French Chocolate Macarons with Peanut Butter Filling

Susan from She's Becoming Doughmesstic originally posted about her French Chocolate Macarons in July. I've been craving them since that day and have had the recipe starred in my Google Reader all of this time!

Sometimes, I wonder about myself... What on earth took me so long to actually make these cookies? I've even eyed purchasing some macarons online numerous times. But the $3-$6 per cookie always stopped me in my tracks.

Last week, Susan made another flavor of macarons and over the weekend, Tania from Love Big, Bake Often, made her own macarons as well. I knew it was time. I had to make them!!

Yesterday evening, while my mom was here to play with Bo and my lasagna was in the oven baking, I finally tackled the macarons. I used Susan's recipe for French Chocolate Macarons and then made my own peanut butter filling.

My cookies did not achieve the smooth tops that other's macarons have and I think that is mostly due to the fact that I couldn't find my piping bag and had to use a Ziploc bag to pipe the cookies. (Other theories are welcome.) For my first attempt, I think they are delicious and I was thrilled with the results. I'll definitely be making these again! Actually, I think I'll go have a few for breakfast.

Peanut Butter Filling
1/4 cup creamy peanut butter
4 Tbsp. powdered sugar
5 Tbsp. milk (I used whole)

In a small microwave safe bowl, melt the peanut butter, approximately 1 minute. Using a whisk, add the powdered sugar and milk and whisk until smooth. Yum!

Book Shower - So Close by Tertia Albertyn

You've heard of bridal showers and baby showers...

Well, this is a book shower, thrown by Mel of Stirrup Queens in honor of Tertia Albertyn's book So Close: Infertile and Addicted to Hope.

Tertia is a South African infertile who is one of the most popular bloggers in the infertile blogosphere. Tertia is a phenomenal writer who isn't afraid to share her true thoughts and feelings regarding infertility, boob jobs, motherhood, and marriage on her blog. Many people read her blog because she is so blatantly honest in ways that so many can't be. Her following is also significant because every infertile can relate to at least one part of Tertia's complex and intriguing story -- most likely because Tertia has been through it all -- numerous IVF cycles, miscarriage, twin pregnancies, prematurity, bedrest, newborn death, and now, the elusive "normal" pregnancy.

Tertia's blog - So Close - was one of the first blogs I found when I began to achieve my Google M.D. in "Infertility Relations" and one of the infertile bloggers that I credit for inspiring me to start my own blog and share my story.

Tertia's book was recently published in the United States and I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. I read the entire book in less than 24 hours and that is quite the feat for me these days. I already knew Tertia's story from her blog, but the book is amazing. If you are an infertile or know someone who is struggling with infertility, I highly suggest you buy them a copy of So Close: Infertile and Addicted to Hope and direct them to Tertia's blog. They'll thank you later.

Mel graciously provided a list of questions to spur our thoughts for Tertia's book shower. When I read this question, I knew it was the question I had to answer:

"On page 20, Tertia has a moment where she predicts that her journey to parenthood may be more difficult than she thought even though nothing has happened yet to point in that direction. Have you ever had a moment of premonition like that and if so, did it come true (this moment of premonition can be about fertility or any other aspect of life)?"

Yes. Before Mike and I were even married, I asked him repeatedly -- "What if we can't have children?" I knew the basics of infertility and I've always had a "feeling" or a "premonition" that we would have difficulty conceiving. I had no real reason to feel this way, but it has always been one of the many worries swirling around in the back of my head.

I am sure that at the time, Mike thought I was just crazy. Why on earth would this skinny, 21-year-old girl, be worried about having children? He assuaged my fears but I am sure in the back of his mind he was saying "crazy!".

When I was pregnant with my ectopic, I blissfully lived in ignorance for a few days thinking that I was indeed pregnant. However, when I started bleeding, my Google M.D. and I immediately decided it was ectopic. However, everyone else, my "real" doctor included, seemed to pass off my intuition... hum...

I told Mike before our first IVF cycle that it would be our 3rd fresh cycle before we would get pregnant. And said that we would be pregnant with twins when we tried again. I've also predicted friendships falling apart, people dying, major life changes...

I guess you could say I have a "sixth sense" about some things... Typically, I state my prediction and am labeled as "crazy." But then it happens. And it doesn't seem quite so crazy anymore...

Tertia is my kind of crazy. :) Buy So Close: Infertile and Addicted to Hope it's worth every penny.

Sticky Feet Reviews

After much thought and consideration, I've decided to start a new site to write reviews and host giveaways. My inbox has been flooded recently with offers to review products but I don't want this blog to become all about product reviews...

If you are interested in reading my reviews and winning free products, follow me on my new review blog, Sticky Feet Reviews!! (www.stickyfeetreviews.com)

I look forward to seeing you there!

Happy Blogoversary to Me!!

3 years
399 posts on the "old" blog
447 posts on the "new" blog
6 IVF cycles
13 embryos
countless trips to Evansville/Effingham/Indy/Champaign
1 live birth to a beautiful little boy
17 weeks pregnant with twins
too many fattening baked goods
thousands of comments
numerous friends made

And I wouldn't change a thing.

Thank you for sticking with me and supporting me through all of this.
Here's to another 3 years in the blogosphere!